Eat Deal

Dina asked:


I met a man younger then me a year ago. I am 25 and he is 23. We both work in finance, he was working temporarily in US, originally from Italy. While in the US we did many things, including going to nice dinners, concerts, etc. where I paid for the majority of things (95%). I dont mind paying when I want to treat someone, but he would ask me if I could coordinate a event for his behalf (going to a symphony, a concert, a trip, etc), and I would inevitably be paying for the entire bill..I also took him to Miami where I paid the bill for the hotel, trip. I understand he was younger, probably didnt make as much, but I was paying for essentially every meal, event, etc. He would tell me that he wanted to do these things for the memories, but a memory is always good when you dont get stuck with a hefty bill… He moved back to Italy and I have visited him 3 times. There he has treated me to one or two nice events, but essentially I would pay for every dinner totalling on average 70 euros each. He wants to visit me in the US but he is talking about doing expensive things which he wants me to coordinate, and I have the worried feeling, as it has been a pattern of his past, I will get caught with the bill this would continue. I confronted him on this, and he stated he wanted to share the costs. when I told him how much half the cost of the things he wanted to do would be (everyone knows travelling to these places in US, these restaurants, are very expensive, i.e. thousands of dollars), he said nothing, but that he couldnt afford it. he followed up by saying the salaries in italy don’t compare to the US. I feel essentially he expected me to again pay for this? do you think i am wrong? furthermore, he says he is a traditional italian man, with traditional values, the fact this pattern exists and he did nothing about it until i mentioned to him how uncomfortable i felt, makes me nervous. am i misinterpreting? its such a horrible thing to accuse someone of behaving, especially if you care for him. he said he wanted these things for us and memories, but I responded that a random dinner we had in a dingy diner one night while out, he made a big deal out of being inappropriate, and he was not “that kind of person to eat in such a place” (i ended up with that bill as well). he tells me he loves me and wants a future with me, but i have other priorities of how i want to spend my money, and I am frankly worried. also he is reluctant about introducing me to his parents, he states that it is a big step, that comes with time, yet he calls me everyday to tell me he loves me and that i am his jewel. i am attractive enough (always had boyfriends who would try to spoil me - but i would say no, as I dont really like that dynamic, even though i am in it now), and i am fairly intelligent academically (if not in social situations like this) having graduated from ivy league schools, so i would think i am a ok catch (all people are). so with the parent issue i feel disrespected, as he knows its important to me, and in my past bf’s would introduce me in a 2week-3 month period. he always asks why i am with him, and has admitted he felt inept when he thinks of my past boyfriends (the one before him was a surgeon). i tell him he has good,amazing characteristics and i left my ex for reasons, but he is always nervous i will find someone else.but i feel gullible with everything. its been one year we are together. he is also afraid about meeting my friends - who the majority are all in good finance jobs and from good schools (traits he decided to point out), and i feel that it is his insecurity again. should i be worried as I feel very worried? he calls and shows attention, but these dont seem like good signs. PLEASE HELP!

Raymundo